Broken Soul
by flabbyknight
Summary: What if the killing curse did more damage to Harry then everybody thought it did. Psychopathic Harry.


_1985_

In the house number four Privet Drive there was a boy known only as Freak by him and his family. The Dursleys had never called him anything else for as long as he could remember. His relatives openly hated him and never had a kind thing to say to him. Freak had often wondered what he had done such hate and when he asked his Aunt why she did not like him she simply told him scowling "You are not normal and we have to put up with your freakishness."

His Aunt constantly berated him for being be a freak and behaving abnormally. From the way he spoke from the way he walked she found fault with everything he did. Every time he acted wrongly according to her she put him to work around the house since he was a "drain" on the household and to teach him a lesson. While his Uncle did not like him either, always looking at him with a glare, but he left the correcting up to his Aunt and rarely ever spoke to him and when he did it was usually was to send him to his cupboard, for misbehaving.

His cousin Dudley avoids him as much as possible since his Aunt and Uncle warned his cousin about him. Dudley would often leave the room soon as Freak would enter the room, with look of fear in his eyes. Freak never ate with his family either, after making their meal he would have to wait till they were done eating and got the scraps that were left before sent to his cupboard for the night.

Freak knew there was something was wrong with the way he felt and act from the way his family treated him. He could see the hate and fear in their eyes when they looked at him, and he knew that they would not feel that way if there was not something seriously wrong with the way he acted. He struggled with trying to figure out with how to be right, so Freak decided he would have to watch normal people to know how to behave.

So he spent a great deal of time watching the normal people in the neighborhood trying to figure out what was wrong with the way he acted. It took him months of watching earning him a reputation of being disturbed in the neighborhood, parents made sure to keep their children away from, but he figured it out. Normal people smiled and laughed, they seemed to enjoy life, something he could admit that he never did.

For long as Freak could remember he always felt like there was something missing from his very essence. He simply felt empty inside, like there was a large empty void were there should be something. He knew this was not normal from watching the people in the neighbor; they always looked so happy and lively as they talked to each other, when what he felt like he was dead inside.

All the other families in Little Whinging seemed to love care for each other, because from what he could tell that is simply what people did. However he could felt nothing towards his own family, so no wonder they could not stand the sight of him. So he practiced trying to be normal and happy. He would spend hours in front of the mirror in the bathroom practicing his smile, but it always came out wrong, even he could see it. It was empty, soulless, devoid of any joy. The problem was his eyes; his eyes were those of a corpse lacking any life in them. He made sure to smile more around his family to show that he was happy and normal, but all that seemed to do to his frustration, was make them even more terrified of him

So he watched his relatives when they did not know he was around, to figure out how to be happy like they were, so he would fit in properly. They looked so happy and normal when it was just them, and he was out of the picture, he felt bad for ruining that. They smiled and laughed when they talked with each other, something Freak could never do. He spent time trying to be normal so that his relatives would be happier.

He tried to do what his Aunt and Uncle did around the house since they were normal, but it did not bring him any joy or satisfaction that his Aunt and Uncle got out of their daily lives. He tried to enjoy cleaning up around the house and gardening like his Aunt did. He spent hours working around much to Aunts shock, she watched him suspiciously to make sure he was not up to something, not the reaction he was hoping for.

When that failed he tried to behave like his Uncle reading the paper, he struggled with this since had not been taught how to read yet, and watching the news, but once again he took no pleasure from either activity. His frustration only grew as he struggled to find something in the house that would make him happy.

Next Freak tried to emulate his Dudley who seemed happy with his lot in life and was around his age, so maybe it would be different from before he hoped. His cousin seemed to enjoy food greatly if the fact he never stopped eating was any indication. Since Freak was made to cook the meals he would sneak some of the food to see if it elicited a reaction, but it never brought him any pleasure to him, sure the food tasted pleasant, but it stirred nothing inside of him.

He tried to play with his cousin's things when nobody was looking as well since he was forbidden from touching his cousin's things. He honestly was not sure what was supposed to do with the toys in the first place so he would simply pick them up and stare at them trying to puzzle them out. After a few attempts of having 'fun' he gave it up as useless. After a month of trying to emulate Dudley he gave up on it since nothing Dudley did seemed evoke the reaction he wanted.

After he had turned five his Aunt and Uncle had an argument about his schooling, his aunt was worried about what the neighbors would say if they noticed that he never went to school. His Uncle was more worried what people say if they actual "met the freak". He claimed that anyone that met Freak would instantly know that the boy was evil soon as they met him. Freak was privately eager to meet new people, maybe watching them he could figure out how to be normal and happy. The argument had gone on for hours before they decided to send him to school although with a warning that he did not act properly that they would punish him severely.

* * *

Freak felt excited as he was dropped of at school with his cousin, school was a place to learn, so what better place then to learn how to be normal. However is first day not go smoothly at all. First there was the roll call at the beginning of class as the teacher was calling out names she seemed to skip his as she went down the list. Then she called out "Potter, Harry" and was greeted be silence from the class. She paused and looked around the class before repeating two more times getting no response from the class. She then continued down the list until she reached the end, she then looked up and spoke "Did I miss anyone?"

Freak quickly raised hand into the air. She smiled at him 'nobody had ever done that before' he noted absently. He smiled back hoping it was the right thing to do and said "My name is Freak, ma'am." Suddenly her smile dropped and Freak suddenly felt his stomach drop as he could see the anger in her eyes.

"You must be Harry Potter" she stated glaring at him "Your Aunt warned me about you. Well if you think you can act in my class your wrong. You can sit in the corner and face the wall for the rest of the lesson."

While he sat there listening to the lesson Freak sat there in confusion, apparently his Aunt decided to change his name to Harry Potter without telling. He did not like his new name he much preferred Freak he felt it did him much more justice then this 'Harry Potter' person. He was neither, he wasn't he covered in hair nor did he ever make any pots from what he could remember, but he was certain that he was a freak.

As he was thinking these thoughts laughter burst out through the class room, and turned around. For some reason the woman's hair was now blue and the kids were pointing and giggling. When she found out she blamed Freak for what happened and called his aunt. When he got home later he was locked in his cupboard immediately and got no dinner. He was not sure what he did wrong, but he would later have to pretend to be this Harry Potter.

* * *

_1997_

The other children did not like him either it seemed; they looked uncomfortable when they talked with him. He knew that it was his freakishness that bothered them, so he decided to stay back and watch them so he could learn to better blend in them. During break he would watch the other children play their games and notice how much pleasure they would get out of playing their games. He tried to play these games as with them, all of them came rather naturally and he excelled at them.

Despite the other children's dislike of him they were eager to choose him for their teams since he would guarantee a win for them. It was good he felt that he was finding away to fit in and seem more normal, but unlike the other children he took no pleasure out the acts, he simply found them pointless. He didn't even enjoy that they would want him to be on their teams either. However he kept playing since it was what normal people were suppose to do. While he played he studied the others trying to understand what it was that made them happy, but he could never figure it out.

He found school itself was rather easy; he absorbed the lessons like a sponge. He however took no pleasure from the praise that he got from his teachers, nor from learning new things. However his teachers made it seem like it was right thing to do so he studied hard so he would be figure out how to blend with normal people better. So he threw himself into learning as much as possible often going to the school library in the hope that would find something that would make him happy. But like everything else he did it ended in failure, nothing he tried from the library made in the least bit happy.

However one day during break as he watching the others as usual, his cousin had caught his attention. Dudley and his friends had surrounded a smaller kid and seemed to be tossing his lunch between them. They seemed to be really enjoying themselves since they were laughing loudly. The tried chasing his lunch being tossed back and forth between them and when that did not work he tried to get help, only for Dudley and his friends to shove him back into the circle. As he watched the smaller boy was getting more and more upset, even breaking out into tears as they kept his lunch away.

Freak was mesmerized by the display, he found he could not take his off of what was going on in front of him. He also felt strange sensation moving through his body, it was like a warm bubbly feeling in his chest and it seemed to be rising to throat. The feeling was exceedingly pleasant and he wished it would last forever. The bubbling feeling then escaped his mouth as giggle and Freak froze in shock. He had never laughed before, and people only laughed when they were happy, so that must mean that he was happy. In fact now that he thought about he no longer felt empty inside as watched the game that seemed to be playing. His heart soared with joy at the thought that he finally found something that made him happy and most be normal since his cousin had been doing it.

Freak became obsessed once more with emulating his cousin and after the incident; he followed Dudley and his friends for weeks at a distance as they enjoyed playing their games. They chased other children, took their things, hit them, and would mock them mercilessly until they broke into tears. And Freak never felt more alive as he watched them, they had so many great ideas for having fun he felt giddy just trying one out. He sincerely hoped that he get somebody to cry like that when he played with them, seeing that look of anguish and despair always left him elated for hours, before the empty feeling would come back. In fact the empty feeling was worse than ever now that he knew how to stop it, it was unbearable, it was slowly driving him mad.

Unlike Dudley he did not have any friends to players the game with and apparently you need a group of larger boys and one smaller boy. Freak decided to improvise and try to play the game one to one. Another difficult step for him was finding someone smaller than him, he was exceedingly small for his age, and he looked a year or two younger then he actual he was. He spent a week looking for the perfect person to play the game with for the first time, before he finally found someone.

There was five year old girl that Freak towered over and the best part was she was always alone during break, she like him did not seem to have any friends, so it would be no problem if tried to play the game with just the two of them. Freak was unsure how exactly sure how he wanted to play with her; did he want to take her things, pull her hair, make fun of her, or just beat her up? As he walked up to he made up his mind. There was a spring in his step has he quickly strode over to her he never felt more alive than he did now. A smile grew on his face as grew wider and wider as the anticipation was getting to him. He asked her eagerly "Do you want to play a game with me?"

The girl looked up Freak with trepidation, he was one the older kids they didn't usually play with people her age and something was just off about the older boy. First was his smile it was like grim parody of a smile, showing far more teeth then it should. Then there was his voice which was spoken in monotone with a undercurrent of something that can only be described as desperation. Finally where is eyes which looked their empty and dead, but at the same time seemed be filled with unquenchable hunger. The girl's animal instincts screamed at her telling her to get away from the boy, no not a boy a monster that wore the skin of a boy. She quickly shook her head and tried to move away.

Freak was shocked this was not how it was suppose to be going, he needed to scratch the itch and he need to do it now. He suddenly filled with a feeling of rage as she started to leave, how dare she reject him! He needed to see her to cry and scream and he needed it now. He changed his mind about what game they were going to play right then as grabbed her hair and yanked her back towards him. She let out a squeal of pain a she fell backwards slamming her head on the ground disorienting her.

Freak raised his foot and slammed in to her face, followed by a load crunching noise as he shattered her nose. Blood and tears where streaming down his face as was wailing in pain. The giddy bubbly feeling came back this time stronger than ever, he wished that this moment would never end as grabbed her arm and pulled it up. He then stomped on the arm while holding on with all his strength. While the arm broke under the force of his foot, began to laugh hysterically, because he knew that the game would have to end eventually and he would feel dead again. He had to prolong this long as possible, milk every glorious moment out of this as possible.

Suddenly somebody slammed into him knocking the air out of him and sending tumbling to ground. One of the male teachers had tackled him to ground and was trying to hold him still. Freak struggled break free, he was not done with his game and needed more, why was this man stopping him from feeling alive? He scratched and bit trying to get loose the man's grip was like iron holding him still. The man then stood up pulling Freak up with him and started marching him towards the school. Freak broke into tears as the screams become too far away to hear, as bubbling feeling faded and all that was left was the void.

**AN: This my first fanfiction and I am trying my best with spelling and grammer, so pm if you see any errors thanks. This story should update at least once ever two weeks. This story is also a minor crossover see if you can guess what broken character Harry is based off of. **


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